Mikan Mary Sue Sakura
by Lady Drama
Summary: Hello! I'm just so happy to meet you! Why? Because I grin like an idiot and love meeting everyone! Don't worry, you're not even remotely special. That's my job and don't you dare steal it, you meanie-poo!


"OHAYO MINNA-SAN!"

I'm Mikan Mary Sue Sakura and I'm just so happy to meet you! Why? Because I grin like an idiot and love meeting _everyone_! Don't worry, you're not even remotely special. That's my job and don't you dare steal it, you meanie-poo!

Let's start with appearances because that's where everyone starts and doing exactly what everyone else does is just so cool! Unlike plain old Mikan in the manga, I don't have disgustingly ordinary brown hair. I have flowing auburn tresses with a strand that I'm always playing with and another strand that always falls over my face just in time for that pervert to tuck it in gently behind my ear (More on him later). My hazel orbs (Brown eyes? What's that?) are always innocently gazing at the world in general. Also, I'm always watching wide eyed whenever anything major (_example_: a fight between two boys over who gets to date whom) happens and somehow despite opening my eyes as far as I can, I can never understand what's going on (_example_: who the mysterious 'Mikan' the boys in question are fighting over is). I have a complexion like a pale Sakura bloom and dainty little hands and feet. In fact, my feet are so small and delicate that they keep tripping over thin air and require a certain raven haired stranger to protect them. My figure is curved in all the right places (like the stomach) because by now the so-called author had run out of suitably flattering epithets that she picked up while reading Twilight.

As far as personality goes, I don't have one. Instead I am the personification of all virtues that mankind has ever so much as imagined. Heck, in my fanfic's universe, I surpass God. Why else did He let me return as an angel every single time '_tears poured for the first time from his crimson eyes'_? I'm kind, gentle, sweet, caring, loving, compassionate, beautiful, innocent (Don't ask me how being dense is a virtue. It just is, everyone knows that), a genius (Never mind that I need extensive tutoring from Hotaru to pass so much as one exam, that's just what Higuchi Tachibana says and who does she think she is anyway?) and overall, just dazzling! If you disagree, I can always kill you using one of the gazillion Alices that I possess. Of course I won't actually do that because I'm the nicest person on earth, remember? The only reason I haven't been declared Saint Mikan of the Mary Sues is because that title doesn't sound particularly pretty. There's no unnecessary alliteration and it doesn't even rhyme!

A side effect of my incredible amazingness is that I'm very easy to manipulate. All those virtues, genius IQ and my overall fantafabulousness took up all my cranium space, leaving no room behind for common sense. Persona tells me that Natsume (who is the world's biggest perverted meanie, by the way) is in trouble and I happily run over to AAO headquarters to rescue him without even bothering to check his room or tell anyone where I'm going.

Natsume?

Natsume…

NATSUME!

That pretty much sums up all the conversation/thoughts I have about him. I hate him but am inevitably attracted to him like an electromagnet because (OMG! He's, like, so HAWT! Plus the authoress has a crush on him which gives him a huge edge over the rest of the lovestruck boys chasing me) he's kind and pure of heart. He may have killed a couple hundred AAO agents on his missions and he's always rude to me but I can just tell he's nothing more than a sweet li'l thing at heart! He tries to cover it up with his perverted remarks and panty references but my Nat is really the sweetest person EVA! How do I know all this? It's another one of my super-ultra brill abilities! I can read people's emotions! _*cough*Twilight*cough*_ Obviously, my radar is exceptionally well tuned to Natsume's feelings.

Really, I don't know what _anyone_ would do without me. Poor Natsume would die on his next mission because despite the fact that he's got far more experience than me, I'm so powerful that I'm always the one saving him. Hotaru would have no one to share all her secrets, especially the one about her overwhelming love for Ruka, with. Ruka would have no one he could blush and stutter around. After all, he may be rich, blonde, blue eyed, handsome and powerful, with a fan club of his own to boot, but he's so overwhelmed by my sheer awesomeness that he blushes in my presence. Luna would have no one to bitch about. As for the rest of the class, wait a minute, there are more people in my class? Oh, so in that case, who'll they admire, huh?

The stories in which I routinely make appearances are as cliché, I mean, as wonderful as me. They usually involve a standard set of plots and sub plots that can be found in a book called the Complete Cliché Collection/Twilight Saga.

The most common, sorry, unique plot involves me in a dangerous situation/accident and Natsume as my rescuer. Recently, feminists in the GA fandom have tweaked the situation a little so that I'm the one rescuing helpless Natsume Hyuuga from assassin's bullets and the trauma of his childhood. A notable feature of this story type is my seemingly impregnable skin, which is never damaged, cut or scarred in any way, no matter how badly I am hit.

Another obsequious storyline features Natsume and me being forced to practically live together because of a school project/ mission/ Narumi-sensei's matchmaking schemes/ Hotaru's blackmailing/ our female classmates' intervention. Because school projects involving two people spending all day with each other are extremely common, missions are for flirting rather than finding AAO agents, teachers take a disturbing interest in their favorite student's love lives all the time, your best friends always blackmail you into spending more time with a boy you hate and your female classmates don't have anything better to do than set you up with a boy they're all in love with. Yup, totally realistic!

One more famous Sue-line (so called because of the minority of still sane people begging the government for a law that allows us to sue for mental torture) is about Prince Ruka, Prince Natsume and maid Mikan who (SURPRISE!) turns out to be a Princess. In these stories, 15th century nobles talk like 21st century teenagers, complete with text slang and chat speak. The girls always wear long, flowing silk gowns, never mind that it's the middle of summer and the boys are dressed in black/blue coats and white silk cravats (Who cares if cravats were popular in ENGLAND and not Japan?). Natsume will ride on a black stallion and Ruka will ride a white charger. They will duel for my fair hand and then I will ride away into the sunset with the Natsume, who is obviously the winner. My bestie Hotaru can pick up my leftovers and console Ruka by kissing him. He will immediately kiss her back and they'll marry the next day!

My preferred partner in crime is Natsume Gary Stu Hyuuga. But that's another story and since it doesn't feature me, I won't bother telling it.

- Mikan Mary Sue Sakura aka Isabella Swan Reincarnated

* * *

_This fic is NOT meant to insult anyone. It's just a parody version of some of the most popular clichés in this fandom. Most of them are wonderful anyway when used by talented writers_.


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